Photogs & Creatives!

I just briefly wanted to announce that I am going to be releasing my first guided imagery (both led & written by myself) on 'finding the source of your own inspiration', meant to help those who are struggling with ideas or relaxing into themselves enough to get to their own pool of creative self, in a new meditation meant to spark your personal creativity, by going into your own mind & finding out just what it is offering you. My plan is to release by the end of July. I'm also going to be making a guided imagery more related to health & well being, for those that aren't necessarily a creative, but who are still wanting to look at themselves more lovingly, in depth & in kindness. I've been meditating for over a decade & feel that I'm finally in a place where I understand its value & how to begin teaching that very simply & accessibly to other creatives. I will be sure to post on here as well as all networks when it's up & available.

 Many thanks,

 Ashley x

Announcements ~~ June, 2013

Well, just a few announcements ...

First & foremost, Dust Bowl is back to kicking up dust. ;)

A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of photographing the strange & gorgeous creature, Annie Montgomery [of Muse Models, NYC] (she looks like an icelandic fairytale) out in the Big Apple. After meeting her in a Brooklyn cafe, I knew I wanted to put her into Dust Bowl so, so badly. So, a few days later, we did. 

Here's a teaser from that day on a fire escape in West Harlem. 

The rest have not been edited just yet. 

I will post all on my facebook fan when they are ready to go & I hope you enjoy.

Beyond that, I just wanted to mention that I have a 12 page feature coming out on 'Faerieland" in the June Issue of the Greek "Economist" Magazine, for all over there that might be able to see it. 

This is the first piece of news about that collection, this year & I'm so excited to see it in print. :)

Lastly, I have some work coming out in Papercut Mag, also covering a new sequence in Faerieland & I'll be sure to post it here when that goes live. 

Many thanks & have a beautiful week, 

Ashley

New Faerieland!

Hello to all!

I felt it was time to touch base w/ some new work. (!)

2013 has been incredibly busy, not only creatively but also in terms of travel and the locations I've had the pleasure of shooting within. I've photographed thus far, everywhere from the Pacific Northwestern Rainforest of Oregon & Washington state (my favorite place on Earth) as well as in NYC and back in Minneapolis. So many new characters & so many yet to come.

The character synopsis' for each of them can be found on my Facebook Fan under the "Faerieland" folder/album, while my site is undergoing its new overhaul (which I'm very excited to launch)

Hope you enjoy these new pieces & thank you to all for the overwhelming amount of love & support this year, thus far, on every network.

I will try to post these all in chronological order and I am posting these in their entirety, but as many of you already know with Faerieland, there are often hidden faces & elements that cannot be found or seen unless you zoom in, so detail shots of those are also on my facebook fan. X

Lastly, while my site is in transition, for those who dig higher resolution, please view my 500px account to see them as sharp as they are intended.

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"Ephymn" | [Song of Transient Things]

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"Falcon" 

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"Fawn(a)" 

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"The Seer" 

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"Vestige" 

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"Birds of Passage" (Sequence, Image 1)

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Again, THANK ---> YOU.

- Ash

The Constant State of Motion

Friends, I saw this illustration/painting this AM and it prompted me to do what I haven't done in too long: just a little bit of writing about this career that keeps me in a perpetual state of motion, always going going, going.
Thought I'd take a moment to touch on the personal and more honest, even bittersweet side of it all, in a blog dedicated to those of you who might also stir from somewhere deep inside when they see this which, for some, I know also hits very close to "home"

My writing below is for
the lover
the traveler
the passionate
the spirited heart
creature people.




I saw this painting this morning and it brought tears to my eyes, as i am once again in the last few days of being in one place for very long. i do think there's an irreversible beauty that can come from nowhere else but in the experiences we find in traveling:

Those we meet and live and laugh with along the way but, as with all things, we become attached to places, people, animals and the things we keep to remember them, even love, because they kept us so heartily well and if they didn't keep us well, perhaps we are attached to the memory or the lessons they left instead.
We are so humanly, honestly, vulnerably and beautifully attached to the way we know or remember feeling in certain moments.

In nostalgia, today i think of berlin subway adventures. italian accents and the men who wore them. the rainforests of the PNW, that i am soon going back to. i think of bands that started on trains heading westbound when two people met and had to do something with their perfectly harmonized voices, she from america, he from england. i think of the way my dog is sleeping right now, along my feet and breathing so softly that i know it will be impossible to say goodbye this coming thursday morning when i trade her beautiful spirit for an inanimate suitcase's weight and where I know in my absence, she will just look for me out the window. I think of how minnesota waited and waited and waited for the snow to melt and how when i first got here on the 18th of April after nearly three months away, i was the only person happy to arrive in such a blizzard, such a perfect signature for this flat land I grew up on.
...And then... I think of the plane i was flying in last summer, as it landed in iceland, before I ever went to england or scotland, before i ever knew what was going to happen on that 2 month trip that turned into 5...... how that plane flew through a dawn and through a rainbow and through lightning bolts, over lava rocks and bobbling foggy boat harbors where icelandic men were pulling their nets through their clenched fists, half standing in ocean and their own pipe smoke.

I think about how i took that all into my permanent memory before the wheels ever touched the tarmac. and then i think of the cows in the alps that have giant bells like wreaths around their necks, that I got to know in 2011 and how they wander through city streets in the north of provence, completely stopping the traffic lanes. i think of the sunflower fields that roll along the swiss mountains' many spines and the gypsy white dress i wore my last day in geneva before it unraveled. i think of how pretty i felt in that dress and how i'd slip into photobooths to get a quick photo of the feeling of that whole day.

I think of how i left photoshoot prop dresses to lighten my load of too many suitcases back in west yorkshire and then another box in storage in edinburgh and finally, just to make weight and board a plane, another load in Berlin, 20 minutes before I left the continent, where I not only left my things, but also a solo girl, a friend, who was her Irish toughest in not crying in the international terminal of TXL (because I did) as I had to keep going and our fates were parted. How many months had I not slept alone, had we been in constant company to suddenly have to be parted - An example in hundreds, maybe even thousands like it. So many airport, train, bus, street corner hugs and goodbyes. I remember each and all of them.

I think of how many years it'll be, if ever, that i see any of those boxes again or any of the people that helped me fill them or...help me carry them, along footpaths, along holy wells, in and out of trains.

And in all of this introspection, especially in my last days of being 29 years old, i feel very quiet, contemplative, even old sometimes, like a tree that is half uprooted and think there's a certain yearning to find a home that can be longer than a week, a month, a year, perfectly/utterly mixed with the confusion in knowing the fact that i love to get onto a plane and ride through that light that rises & sets over people's whole lives or how much i love seeing the mountains from a sky, knowing that that span of land has never been settled, that it's always been wild. it's a raw peace and a bittersweet one as well and i know when I arrive back "home" in Portland, that i'll lay late into the night, after all of roommates lay asleep, after the city becomes silent, with my window cracked open and I'll listen for the midnight train calls that start so late and run through the night, burning their sounds out, knowing that I've been on them, many of them, seemingly being beckoned to get on yet another when noone is looking. And i hope for the all the travel i have yet to do, the loves i have yet to meet and know, the leaving that is still coming and the arriving that also has yet to happen and that will continue to happen again and again, as is life... in every shifting change or settling in,
...all the solo sojourns, i simply hope to recognize the importance of staying grounded within it, while all else spins in perpetual motion, an adult merry-go-round I suppose.
Again, I hope to continue to not only appreciate it but also to recognize that spin and how it affects the human spirit, a life, one whole identity, allowing it to always grow and ebb and flow and for me to stay myself within it, whatever I want for that to be.


To NYC, to PHX and Boston, keep this little filly safe and sound and rested and held while she goes through you in May. Especially you, New Yawk, you've got a reputation.

At any rate, as you can see, I thought that picture a touchingly beautiful illustration and wanted to share.
My love to all of you, ashley x

NEW INTERVIEW / FEATURE ON PHLEARN!

High fives all around. 

This week I had the nerve-wracking honor & pleasure to sit down w/ the folks over at Phlearn and give quite possibly, one of the most in depth interviews I've ever given, covering everything from my earliest work (which had me cringing to share, but i bit the bullet ;) to the sources and inspiration for my newer Dust Bowl and Faerieland imagery, to posting a Before & After of how I composited a popular Faerieland image and, lastly, a question that led to my finally speaking publicly and for the first time about what it is like working within the industry while also working within the confines of an illness and with a 12 year disability. 

In addition, I chat about the imagery of Brooke Shaden & Erik Almas among other sources of great inspiration in History.

If you fancy a read, have a wander: http://phlearn.com/phlearn-interviews-bottle-bell

I've another in depth interview also coming out within the week & will post that when it's up, covering another range of topics with questions that were so different and such a fun time to answer.

Ashley, x

Moving Day! [Dreams] | Goodbye MINNESOTA!

‎** FRIENDS/PHOTOGS/FAMILY/CREATURE PEOPLE!! **

today i board a train upon which i will romanticize finishing a novel I started back in 2011 as it carries me over the long haul of 38 hours & 1,800 miles from the home i've known here in Minneapolis to a new home on the pacific northwestern coast- a place that i hope to begin the next chapter of my life in a manner that suits myself & my work with something of great beauty.

the last time i rode this route i remember riding through glacier national park at sundown as the amish aboard sang hymnals & a man whose name escapes me now, played a fiddle late into the night. there was whiskey & there was singing & there was laughter.

i look at my suitcase, my one lone ranger to this retro kitchen, packed to the gills with things i'm bringing of my life & it sits amidst a house of the things i inevitably have to leave behind: ...prop dresses, medieval buckets, headpieces, old favorite clothing, books, stuffed animals, my art along walls, cameras, a typewriter, blankets that lovers, friends & myself used to stay warm these years as they blow in and blow out of my life. | all of that so & so & such & such still resides here - an inventory of the who's who of my life has collected to this little second story flat on 2nd street.

and though i'm torn, i'm so ready.
and i think this is what life is, this middle area of letting go & riding that 'go' where you direct the intention to take you. it's that fluid recognition of abiding by your heart, not only when it's beautiful and easy, but when it's scary and involves a whirlwind of change & pushing to the very very edge.

so, with a very bittersweet & incredibly open heart, i want to thank everyone in Minnesota that i have met, known, loved, shot with, traveled with, taught, been friends with personally or professionally. your support, love, friendships have meant the world to me at every point of my life & will continue to & will continue to and will continue to, forever, no matter my locale. ♥

i woke this morning to a soft blizzard & so the city sits quietly as i finish these last hours here, an apropos moment for what i've conceived the meaning of this to be for me.

how many great adventures begin this way?
a perfect gradient in the western sky by nightfall, i'll hope.
and just a girl with a suitcase, a passport, her pen & her camera.

all my love to you MPLS | thank you for growing me !

for those needing anything in the next 1 -2 weeks, please email: ashleylebedev@gmail.com & I will message back when i'm settled into my new place, as i will be unavailable in this interim for all practical purpose taking in a new air with deep breaths to eager lungs.

ash ♥

ps: no visuals today, but here's a bit of sound playing as I finish the pack:
cut to 2:40 to feel what i'm feelin'

"Beyond the Forest"

As I sit here, in Devon, England, packing and awaiting my train to Scotland, I am sitting in an old library which has found me transfixed, this entire afternoon, specifically by the following book, images and words...

******

literally translated, Transylvania means "beyond the forest".

... passages taken from beyond the forest, a photographic book by Claire Richardson 'about a people believed to be the descendents of the children that were led out of hamelin' ...

the children that were led out of Hamlin are those that legend has it are the children who followed the Pied Piper.

******

'beyond the forest' 

he lives in a world of silence. a world of hard work & necessary patience; waiting on the weather and growth. they call him Mr. Pipe, a diabetic, water passes straight through him. his mother worries he shall never marry. he loved the butcher's daughter once, but her father sold the mountain.

claiming the common ground, he felled the forest and sold the oak. a rich man now, his daughter should marry well, a businessman from the town, perhaps. 

spurned, the boy strung up a lifeless scarecrow in his own image, a reminder to the girl of her father's betrayal.

the butcher's wife says the photographer is barren, and has come to buy children to operate her domestic machines. she welcomes the photographer, preparing a meal with the greatest of care and measure. 

the forest taken, the horizon restored. it offers no shelter now. an emptying landscape. as claims are made, fences erected and the horizon breached. only Mr. Pipe remains, the others have now gone, they spoke of a life beyond the forest...


******

(c) Claire Richardson: 

New "Dust Bowl" Imagery!

Friends,

As I pack my bags to leave for Europe tomorrow, thought it'd be nice to post, before I go, the latest imagery for "Dust Bowl".
This collection is really and truly, slowly, becoming the most incredible brain child project. So many plans for it.

For now, hope you love the imagery. I've no doubt I'll be photographing more for this, overseas as well as some pretty amazing things for "Faerieland".

To refresh, for those who are new to this collection...

"DUST BOWL" is a ::cinematic:: recreation/retelling of the Great Depression Era of American History, in people, places and things, not only recounting the destitution and poverty of the time, but also interweaving imagery of daily life that may have occurred before the events that led up to "Black Tuesday" and all that inevitably followed.

For last year's blog regarding the beginning of this collection, you can check it out, here.

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New Imagery...


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Dasha Ermolenko:

David Mendolia:

My uber buddy and photographer, Brooke Shaden:

The incredibly wonderful photographer and my friend, Alex Stoddard:

The lovely Christopher John Hills:

more to come soon, including...the elderly and the children of Dust Bowl (!)

***

For this collection, in its entirety, please visit (while my site is undergoing a pretty massive overhaul & update) my facebook fan, at: http://facebook.com/AshleyLebedev

Ash x

::PROJECT MUSE:: | my beautiful, precious, beloved course.

Location: Inspiration, Earth

Date: 7.12.12

As of this moment, these packages receiving postage, this project finally taking flight, I can now say, officially, that my heart beats outside of my chest as well as within it. 

------

Intro Week Booklets...

Enrollee Prints...

Secret Things...

"The Leaf Metaphor"

humbled.
completely.

ash

American West & Europe | Countryside in Autumn | My long overdue Photo Journals of 2011

Creature People!

Until I have the time to properly post these to the blog... between workshops, this new secret project (!!) just returning from 40 days of living on the road out west, mentoring session preparation and, finally, packing to leave for a summer alone, in the UK & Europe (leaving July 17 w/ a layover in Iceland!) I wanted to simply link you to my (now made public) Facebook albums (to which they are already posted) of the absolutely longest photo journal(s) (with more to come within them as time allows) that I've ever posted, covering Mid Spring of 2011, until early Autumn 2011, as well as a journal that covers my life behind the lens, in Autumn of 2011, spanning thousands of miles and over two continents and three countries. That's a mouthful.

Click the links below to enter the album of choice w/ a little sampling below from each.(***very important note on viewing: You will likely have to be logged into a facebook, in some way, to see either set. If you aren't logged into facebook, it may say that they are unavailable or that you don't have permission, which isn't the case, so just LOG IN.) 


Please enjoy as I know so many waited so patiently, now over a year overdue for the America/Euro one. I've made the album(s) as public as possible, for quick viewing.

American West & Europe - Spring & Summer, 2011:

Home, stateside - Autumn, 2011:

Ashes, x

***NOW OFFERING: MENTORING SESSIONS & PORTFOLIO CRITIQUES

*** EDIT: Updated on August 20, 2012:
--->> Due to these becoming so popular, I've decided to make these an ongoing offering, at least through year's end, though keeping them incredibly limited, per month. Please email to book:
ashleylebedev@gmail.com

Thus far, I have absolutely *loved* reviewing every image sent to me, from every corner of the globe and look forward to meeting with more of you & helping you in your endeavors!

Details below & payments preferred via paypal (though sending via post is alright as well, though not immediate)

Thanks!

ashes, x

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Original Post: 

**PHOTOGS & Creatives!

I have a new & *limited time* offering!

**At July's end, I will be offering 1 & 2 hour ONLINE mentoring sessions, so that they may be taken from anywhere in the world. All of my offerings are always & only, one on one.
I will only be offering 12 of them, due to time constraints. They will be end of *July* only & very early August via chat or skype. I will also be offering portfolio critiques (also online).
To keep this very simple, details are as follows:

One hour session: = $60.00
Two hour session: = $100.00
Three hour session: = $170.00

Portfolio critiques: *approx. 30-40 minutes: = $40.00

(All pricing in US dollars)

I am taking deposits *now* to hold spaces. Deposit will be *half* of full session fee (though you may also choose to pay in full) The other half will be due no later than one week before scheduled session. I will be accepting payments via PAYPAL.
To break that down, deposit for one mentoring session would be $30.00, for two, $50.00 and for a full portfolio critique, $20.00.

Please EMAIL me to book, at: ashleylebedev@gmail.com
I will return all emails within 48 hours and in the order they were received, until booked for that month.

I anticipate these booking very quickly, so don't sleep on it.
Look forward to working with you & don't be shy. The format for these are very candid & in no way intimidating.

Ashes, x

Featured as one of the most inspirational photographers!

Welp,

I was nothing short of mega, super, cartwheelingly, humbled & honored that the lovely people over at Phlearn curated a list, by category, of the world's most inspirational photographers & somehow included me on it, within the fine art category. Sitting next to the likes of Sally Mann, Erik Almas, Brooke Shaden, Cindy Sherman, Alex Stoddard and Walker Evans is a good way to start any day. I was also happy that I am lucky enough to call about half of the people featured, my friends.

I really love this particular list (of the many thrown together each year) because it has such an incredible stock pile of newbies as well as veterans, chock full of inspiring imagery, without bias. If you fancy a fast heartbeat & visual symphony, head on over there.

The entire feature is here with my particular spotlight, here.

Here's a quick screengrab of a piece of my feature.
Talk soon,
Ash x

"Fable Hill" | A new collection.

Okay, crazy kids, so...here's how it started.

When i returned back from my trip from out west, i was inspired, i was creatively renewed, i was ready to shoot something and i was ready to shoot something different.

I found an old book (from 1880, to be exact) at the farm I grew up on. It was called "The Crown Jewels" and I brought it back to my apartment in Mpls, laying the book on an old cupboard of mine, where it would sit during the day. I was eyeing it. All I knew was that it was so phenomenally well preserved, 1000 pages of poetry, so many stories and every time I jumped to a new page, there was another mysterious little poem.

I stalked back & forth, fist to lips, scrunched eyebrows, in deep contemplation. Let's skip forward a few weeks. What should I do with this book? I just kept wondering. It was such a cool tome & had to be worthy of a great image. Or, rather, the image had to be worthy of that book and the amount of inspiration pulled from it.

Then, without ever coming to a conclusion, I left one afternoon, coming back into my upstairs little flat while the sun was setting through my windows.

The light, the book. Oh my.

I just knew what to do.
The sun was screaming sideways through my window, the contrast of dreams.
Photogs, I know you know what I'm talking about: that butter light, spooling across things, that you have for about 1 hour but, the best of it, only about 10 minutes.

I ran downstairs, flung the door open, ran to the side of the house to a giant group of monster sized dandelion or milkweed poofs in the garden, grabbed one & ran back upstairs. I had a hunch about the sun, that book, that poof and some amazing shadows. I laid the poof across the pages and a pattern was weaved by sunlight...

!

And that's when it happened: a collection was born, something worthy of this amazing book and the imagery I have shot since. Further, the imagery ideas I have cooking in my brain ever since.

And, with that...I want to introduce to you, "Fable Hill".

(please feel free to click image & make bigger (right click it and open link in a new tab to bypass the new preview screen) but please don't swipe)

This new collection is about an old Victorian manor house (Fable Hill) weaving portraiture & still life together. It's going to be chock-full of little visual morsels, just like an old house.
It's going to be about the things that happen there.


Think fog, think spooling fields, think old attics & rusty oddities.
Think quirky.
Think skeleton keys.
Think old world.
Think about a place like that, left vacant, left with all of its things, left to its own devices. Think of what could happen in a place like that, when no one was looking.

I am not sure how long this series will be but what I do know is that there might be more questions than answers. I want it to be one big mystery, unfolding through imagery.
The rest? My lips are zipped.

Here are the first few sneaks and thank you for the beautifully warm reception about this new series on my facebook fan page.

I get excited about presenting work that inspires you.

-me

Excited to announce that I will be a part of this new book!

Friends!

Long time no see. I know, I know...

I just returned a few weeks ago from 40 days on the road in which I re-visited the rainforests of the PNW as well as the vacant Pacific Coast Shores, hiking & camping along the empty rock beaches. I also made it into the Columbia River Gorge & down into Oregon.

Cities enveloped my imagination, especially Seattle (where I think I am moving to, in the not - too - distant future) | The whole of that trip was spent on trains, in the backs of cars, in hostels, on floors, on couches, new people, new ideas, tents, beaches, in the fog, the rain, the misting in-between. There was so much walking, so few proper nights of rest. It was all fluid, the movement of dreams. It was like a symphony, really.

Beyond that, I have been shooting, beginning a new collection & continuing my beloved: "faerieland" and "dust bowl" (will post details about new collection tomorrow) as well as writing writing, writing, even beginning a new secret blog experiment that I will post about within the year, once it's established & up and running. 

Lastly, workshops begin on July 1 for "Project Muse" w/ completely sold out enrollment, this first time around.

I have 2 openings for anyone wanting to begin Project Muse in September (1) of this year.

But, for now, I simply wanted to post that I am very excited & honored to be a part of a new retouching book, available within a few weeks at both Barnes & Noble as well as on Amazon.

I will have a two page feature covering my work, my vision and my tip for new, burgeoning photographers & aritsts.

To read about that, simply click here & click here. (the first of those covering not just my section, but the whole of the book and the intent for it. :)

Talk soon, 

ashes, x

You are not 'inferior' or 'superior' | If you read this, you WILL feel better. | A free helping/excerpt from "Project Muse" Masterclasses

the constraints you have in your life, you have put on yourself, and that's the truth. so, let's talk this out, alright?

bear with me, because 'self' work can feel so heavy. the viewfinder can begin to show us this part of ourselves, but if you are being honest ... that's only the beginning.

the most useful thing i've been reminded of these last weeks, is how important it is to lose your man-made facade. that's not your identity. your true self is something so sacred & lifts you up from within. it is no judgement and it tireless and completely endless. it is without rank. it's not screaming crowds or the lack there-of, or recognition, or lack of recognition or external affirmation that somehow keeps you afloat. that is such an ego trip (which is, btw, NOT you) and it's a never ending battle with yuck. yes, yuck.

why use words like yuck, instead of more poignant words like fuck? because i'm speaking to the kid in you and, if you don't want me to speak to the kid in you (do you want me to speak to the adult?) then that word's really just no big deal.

oh my gosh, ashley, sweetheart ash?! (the bottle bell?!) just swore.

let's be honest, do you really think i got to be sweet and become an artist because my life was some innocent, easy, PG, cake walk? ::shrugs shoulders:: do i have a story for you.

anyway, back to yuck and that inner youth in you.

have you locked that kid away that i'm a'talkin to? did you turn them into some sort of bully? gosh, did you turn into a bully of yourself? how's that goin? i bet you're lacking that creative energy you once knew, yah?

or maybe it goes like this: "I reallllly want to create, but i'm just SO tired these days..."

oooh oooh ::Raises hand:: and how about this one:

"I suck at my job. I have no creativity or time for creativity."

Then, there is this culprit:
"Noone liked that picture. (or song, or whatever, or STATUS, or whatever, etc) I'll change so that next time, they will."

these 'inferior' / 'superior' thoughts you have and anything mentioned above are all transient, impermanent things. the true you is perhaps the reason you began this profession and this endeavor (whatever makes you just COME ALIVE, whatever profession you are in) but it's a good practice to ask yourself why you continued it, down the path you chose (was it because of external recognition? if it was, then your success is dependent on the continued approval of others and, god, what if they fail you? What if they fail you when you are already feeling so low, and what if they fail you once you are up at the 'top'?? | the goal all good artists should aspire to work towards is practicing how to create truest to yourSELF. (part of creating for yourself is in living a life behind that lens that honors that).

If u do that, you're not only a better artist, but a better human being. do you know how simply FULFILLING to the core it is to feel like a good human being? NOT an important human being, or a FAMOUS human being, but a good ol' fashioned beautiful human being who was good to others and good to yourself?

i'm talking love, sex, life, kids, travel, career, money, stress, everything. these are not conquests, they are experiences, feelings, beliefs, etc.

if you don't think they are one big circle, all related, think again.

take yourself out of that place (that rank) that you find yourself placed at. the more successful you become (externally, to others, etc) the more of a tendency you have to scream how incredible you are or, sadly, live like you are above others, because it starts to wind it's way into your identity. do not let 'success' change you because, oh, IT WILL.

and it will ONLY be able to do this to you if you let it or if you need it to. i don't recommend either, but i see it all the time. i have seen it in lovers, family, bestest friends forever.

but don't let that be a low point, a point of no light...

let it be a bullet point. upward and onward.

the less successful you find yourself (and by that, i mean, publicly/monetarily/showmanship stuff - because that's really all 'success' is, for the most part) the more you find yourself adhering to kissin' ass or to the will of what other people, maybe the entire public, perceive you as.

this is all just a dance you are having in your head.

clear the ballroom.

let's use photography as an example. let's take the camera out of their hand (imagine a person you feel inferior to, and then just.... take their talent out of their hand (in this case a camera, but it could be a musical artist, or hairstylist...anything).

would this STILL be a person you aspire to know or be like? is your desire to be 'like' them because they are liked or because they are good people? do you like the way they present themselves? do you like the way they talk? are they compassionate, inherently good? do you like the way they live? are they roll models? are they good to people, genuinely, or are they good at playing 'the game'. would you BE PROUD TO BRING THEM AROUND YOUR CHILDREN? would you let that person (or industry standard, there are many) watch your child while you took a nice long vacation? does that person inspire you?

I mean, does the core of you say yes or no? learn from these lessons. sometimes it'll be a "yes, gosh, this person is amazing, i can't get enough" and then sometimes it's going to be "Oh, yah...no."

when it's a no, walk away. (metaphorically or other)

wash your hands of it, and drop it. just get over it, however you have to, and as gently as possible.

the idea that things are hard is a MYTH and usually it's a myth taught to us by people we REALLY looked up to, people who couldn't possibly be wrong. maybe they were if they made it hard for you to move on.

if you are rockstar enough to do it quickly, do it quickly. all limits are self imposed.

if it's a part of yourself you need to walk away from, don't look back. that's a trap.

seriously, visualize them walking away. good riddance when / if you actually get to watch this person walk away, this metaphorical weight which feels so, so real if only because you made it so, so real. (i'm not saying it isn't real. fear is VERY real and so is pain.)

do you know the psychological reason we can't let things (ideas, people, thoughts, etc.) go?

it's so simple. it's because we think we need them. we somehow think they define our sense of identity or happiness or freedom or worth. now, if that thought is something like 'i'm a crappy photographer' and you can't let that thought GO, then you know something really profound. why are you thinking something so negative about yourself? and, why can't you let something so negative about yourself, just... go? that's where the REAL work comes in.

so, take a deep breath. you earned it by reading this. this is not usually easy/breezy work.

seriously DON'T KEEP READING LIKE YOU DON'T REALLY NEED THAT BREATH. Pause. breathe.

1.

2.

3.

exhale. okay.

if you apply this to your love life, it will carry to your work. if you apply this to your work, it will carry to your love life, and so on and so on, forever. apply it to anything, watch that ripple. it can't help itself. that is the nature of it.

you must create in a separate place from that voice that speaks "CREATE FOR THE CROWDS!" "LIVE FOR THE CROWDS!" "CREATE LIKE A SCREAMING VOICE SO THEY HEAR ME AND THEN I'LL BE WORTH IT" [or] you might say: "If they don't hear me or love me, I'm nothing, that creation, that endeavor wasn't as worth it or good." (notice how those sad thoughts are lower cased? - because that's how you feel when you have them -- you feel totally lower cased...)

Don't live for that egoic result. EEK.

and some people catch this. if this speaks to you, you're farther than you think. kudos.

and then, some people just don't, and they won't and it's not up to you (don't burden your beauty) to change them or let them hurt you or change you or tell you you aren't good enough. people have to know and find that for themselves and, let's just hope, in time, they do. and some don't (it's okay).

that's like settling for a leaf, though, when a tree is what you want. a tree that blows in the wind and stands steadfast, knowing that it is fulfilling it's purpose. it has ZERO doubt because, i mean, what else would it do?

wouldn't that feel AMAZING??!!

let those leaves fall where they may because, metaphorically speaking, they're going to blow away with the next season. that's just what leaves do. they are not sustenance, but they are ever so dazzling. but, once they leave their solid base, they are lost. do you understand what i'm saying to you?

but you know what stays solid, through every season? the tree. it might not be as showy, but why do you NEED to be showy? ego. fear. the external search for validation.

be the tree.

oh pretty, pretty please be that pretty, pretty tree.

be you.

hell, even pick your kind. change it up, why add constraints?

don't create with the intent of doing anything other than whole-heartedly pulling your spirit up by the boot straps (hey, dust it off if you need to) and saying 'heck yes, i'm sooooo doing this for ME from a place and for a place that is nurturing and constantly re-seeding my inner strength and total sustenance, like you are filling a pool of creative freedom which, by the way, lives in all of you.

ALL OF YOU.

when you fulfill your own freedom, which is often and most easily felt in things like art, creativity, love (love is so important you guys) (and you already know this if you've EVER created ANYTHING you enjoyed or truly loved).

you are just ... you are so beautiful. you are really embodying all of you, not some false version chipped away over the years by convention, industry, debt, money, people who weren't (or AREN'T) good for you, and societal concensus. it's a nasty beast when it becomes you.

it's especially hard on artists, these thoughts, because we became artists *usually* having already been people who felt SO MUCH, already being people so hard on themselves. Artists are MADE. I feel so passionately about the beauty (bittersweet though it is) in that.

it's such a step backwards when people lose themselves to the industry abyss, which is almost ENTIRELY ego driven, money driven, soul chaos.

the sense of entitlement and rank is false identity, no matter how you cut it, no matter how real it seems. would you really choose to look up to people that are lost in a false identity and need for things like judgement and rank? (whatever industry ----> JUST FILL IN THE __________.) | i have seen / met, especially recently, so many incredible human beings (i'm talking at their very CORE = AMAZING) totalllllly lost in this recognition thing because it feeds this need for inner approval. in these cases i found myself surprisingly very quiet (2011 was a year in which i was determined to listen, even when i didn't want to) because in EVERYTHING they spoke to me, i was listening and thanking my lucky stars i saw outside of the blinders. these are people i give thanks for, because without them i'd have zero lessons to learn and no matter how hard the lesson, there's a chance for some real growth. it's the kind of growth that, if you master it, will put you to sleep with a smile on your face and, of that, i promise.

you know what else is so good with realizing (after the fact) that you simply listened and didn't bite back? simply that you did just that. you broke a pattern that was terribly difficult to break out of.

but, you can't feel that beautiful light if you don't live it. you have to live it. be the beacon. sometimes beacons are the minority, but beacons are gorgeous and much better places to visit.

want the truth? guess what, you are already perfect. you are totally enough. TOTALLY.

hey, feel that pressure dissipate a little? now, just when you feel like it might save your life, such a SIMPLE, KIND thought, you feel that doubt IMMEDIATELY creep in and it takes it away. if that just happened to you, at least you know that now.

you want to hear something even more perverse?

you are beautiful, too.

you don't even believe me, do you? it was just one sentence that threw you off.

god, but what if you did believe it. because, you know what? I mean it. and you should live a life where you can FEEL beautiful in YOUR OWN BEING. take every SINGLE thing out of your life that doesn't feel beautiful or fulfilling and, if you can't, work towards it.

let it breathe JUST A LITTLE LIFE into you, today. feel how much energy immediately comes back into you?

yah.

of course you do. that is what it is to be human.

::and, please, steal this, swipe it, share it, live it, use it, smile about it. this isn't *my* truth (though it is my truth, because it's everyone's and i'm a part of that pool, which is where we all connect)

taste it, find that deep breath you've been looking for, god why keep yourself without those deep breaths? how many years are you going to suffocate yourself?

how many moments, minutes, years are you going to be stifled by the limits that others put on you? (and that you allow them to put on you.)

find relief in it, LOVE it, and be effing proud of yourself! (by proud i don't mean beating your chest and screaming how awesome you are (again, that's ego parading itself as you) | by proud i simply mean sitting back and catching those stars, for once, smiling in honesty when you see yourself growing inside or walking by a mirror.) | so many people suffer from these same, repetitive, patterns, but noone really talks about it. life can be so daunting. (!!)

and a couple more of these: !!!!!!!

i am not saying something to you that i somehow missed out on, that i didn't go through or experience first hand. i crawled through the swamps of this stuff, you guys. i really, really did (underline, italicize, bold bold bold).

do you know what rules about you? about YOU, you unique creature who is the only one of YOU ever created in the history of ever? did i mention EVER?

how cool is THAT?

mull it over. there is ONLY ONE OF YOU, you know? live in that. live in you. it's what you have, why not USE it.

what is that one thing you feel pretty amazing at? is there one thing that you like in yourself, right now, today?

if you know that ONE thing you kinda/sorta like if you let yourself breathe into it, others will follow when nurtured.

if you don't yet know the answer to that, then seek to know it. seek to be true enough to yourself where that is a beautiful journey of sensual self discovery, a real no-holds-barred inquiry.

cry if you need to. move if you need to. let it work itself through you, not bury itself IN you. you deserve to live a life in which you feel okay with what's happening in it.

embody yourself. don't embody others. it's such a mess. don't let others embody you through judgement, money, rank, fill in the blank. if they do, good riddance, no need to raise your voice. that's precious energy and it's also not necessary.

life is not a conquest, nor are people, or things. you have nothing to defend. it is all an opinion. these are all false senses of identity and we seek them for REAL reasons. we seek them from fear or loss or habit or just not really knowing.

let's play cause and effect with an example:

Sole Cause: my parents never validated me, growing up, and i wish they had, even once.

Ripple Effect: i have an overactive tendency to validate myself, sometimes outwardly.

(or perhaps we see this tendency in others and how they use it on us, our work, our very world or, god forbid, our vulnerable hearts...)

everything has a cause and effect.

this industry, creatives especially, are just CHOCK FULL of cause and effect. ;)

usually in the ever-so-dramatic domino effect.

we are dramatic creatures, the lot of us, with the need to scream with self expression.

but do your best to channel it into your work, not your life or at people/events/possibilities in your life.

gosh, it feels so good to talk to yourself like this, doesn't it? really getting to the pulp of you.

maybe, kind of? yes.

you wanna know why? cuz it's feeding the REAL you.

- A few pages from my "Project Muse" masterclass. Class group is here.

-ashes

ps. extra credit if you just want to have a giant, awesome party to conclude reading this blog, to level the heavy whirlwind emotion a bit.

go put on your favorite piece of clothing, or spritz yourself in your fav.o.rite cologne/perfume and just have an impromptu dance party to a song you feel SO ashamed for liking. (hey, i do it too ;)

oh, come on, go be a kid for a few minutes. noone's looking.

and, by the way, there is no wrong way to dance.

Unwritable Girl ..

Can you all just tell my ambitious and beautiful Ashley she shouldn't leave her accounts signed in when she falls asleep, writing Workshops, if she doesn't want someone who loves her to post a blog of her angel face without permission?

Ash, I'm hijacking your blog to say I love you.

This is what you get for

:

: Being BEAUTIFUL

: Being kind

: Never letting me photograph you when you're awake

: Being so smart and awesome

: looking like this when you sleep

: Inspiring the hell outta me

: Talking to me in inconceivable poems

: Cooking for me at 6 am

: That smile

: Making me see the world in better ways, through your flutter-by eyes

: Having cheeks that are even sharper than your eyes

: Your voice

: Always falling asleep too damn early.

:

;-)

Here now, I'll sing this back to you, I'll try.

Heck, I'll scream it.

I'll even play the damn fiddle if you do that spin thing yer bound to do ..

:

"That full bellied moon, She's a'shinin' on me.

She pulls on this heart like she pulls on the sea ..

And you came on strong like some running wave."

:

<3

;-*

something recent. something imperfect. something simple.

::self portraiture, no matter how imperfect, is an honest reflection into the moment, the person, and the message you chose not to pass up::

kiddos,

i had a moment, a few days ago, in which i had it out (snapshot style) with my camera, and only a few minutes between a busy schedule & a busy schedule. this photo (above) is that moment. this is what 28 year old ashley looks like in diffused, early morning, autumn light. it's also a good exercise in learning how faces aren't necessarily very symmetrical (freckles, eyebrows, cheekbones ;)

35 mm f2 & terrible compression/low quality internet what-have-you(s) (blogspot might have just beat facebook in her quality...) but it was a raw moment and an honest moment & i kinda have a thing for those. it's the holidays, call me sentimental.

hope you all had a lovely thanksgiving. photo blog coming very soon of my Autumn behind the lens, & thank you for the psychotically awesome support both in my writing and imagery over the last 2 months.

a couple of notes for those who aren't on facebook or twitter, etc... :

** workshops *and* retreats are tentatively sold out, pending deposits. please drop a note if you'd like to be wait-listed.

** i'll be hopping a train in the next few weeks and traveling west. nothing will feel more beautiful than writing the novel while looking out a window, new imagery in my catch-light's.

** shooting for "Dust Bowl" will resume in Jan. after some much needed t-r-a-v-e-l. :)

** meow.

talk soon,

ash

Recently Featured in Dolce & Gabbana's "Swide" Magazine!

Friends!

I recently had the honor of doing a (very fun) interview w/ Dolce & Gabbana's "Swide" Magazine and definitely wanted to post the screenshots from that. A huge thanks to them & to my interviewer for making this, among many, a great time.

:)

To read the article over there, click here.

Otherwise, here are the screenshots:

I hope you enjoy!

ashtree, x